pick a color, any color

here's a question that i've put a lot of thought into. if you had to choose one color and for the rest of your life could only eat food that was that color, what color would you choose? i've presented this scenario to an obscene amount of people, so i think it's more than appropriate for me to make assumptions about people's personalities based on their choices. so take a second to pick your color, and then read what i think it says about you. ready go! if you chose....

BLUE- you either didn't take this seriously or are trying really hard to live in a constant state of sugar high because aside from blueberries, there's nothing you can eat that won't rot your teeth, or your insides. the same can be said for PURPLE.

RED- one step up from blue, but still not a great choice. picking red says that you're a somewhat sensible but also a masochist. why is that? because there are 2 main red foods: fruit and sauce. good pick on the fruit. you could nosh on apples, strawberries and i'll even give you watermelon. on the sauce side though, you're hypothetical life is a giant tease. you can eat ketchup but not fries or burgers or nuggets. you can have marinara sauce but not pizza or mozzarella sticks or pasta. all in all. red is a terrible, torturous choice.

GREEN- picking green means one of two things: either you're a super health nut or you want people (namely me because who else would ask you this question?) to think you're a health nut. i can understand why you'd want my approval, but i can assure you that the way to get it is not through sentencing yourself to a hypothetical world where all you can eat are vegetables and the occasional green lollipop when you're out to go wild.

BROWN- this one is a common answer. i respect it. it says you know what you like to eat and you don't care that in this fake world you're going to weigh upwards of 500 pounds. you're a fly by the seat of your pants kinda guy (or girl) who can drink all the coke and coffee you want. well played caffeine addicted fly guy. well played

BEIGE/WHITE- also a common answer and a good one. while you won't be the slimmest in this fake world either, you'll be fully carbo loaded to run a marathon at all times. mainly because carbs are all you can eat. beige or white pickers are energetic and terrible chefs because let's face it doesn't take much to make bread, rice and pasta taste delicious.

ORANGE- this would be my choice because you can get a little bit of everything. you can have fruit (oranges and peaches), vegetables (peppers and carrots), protein (salmon), snacks (doritos, cheetos, cheez-its), and delicious drinks (orange juice and orange soda) if you pick orange, and used my logic you're clearly brilliant and you love cheese. the end.

on that note enjoy your freedom to eat all colors by cooking yourself a multicolored meal. or by pouring yourself a bowl of fruit loops.