THEORY ONE (inspired by my tweet): the peanuts in peanut m&ms aren't peanuts. they're peanut flavored crack. proof: eat just one peanut m&m. i dare you. it isn't possible, unless you're allergic to peanuts, in which case you should probably sit this one out.
THEORY TWO: tim mcgraw is not one person. the only people who can actually prove this claim are faith hill and tim mcgraw, but i just got a new phone, so i lost their numbers. bummer. i'll have to use picture evidence for this one.
there's no way that you can tell me ladies' man tim mcgraw, cowboy stud tim mcgraw, clean-cut actor tim mcgraw, and shifty questionably drunk tim mcgraw are all the same person. either those are some magic hats or there is some sort of conspiracy going on.
THEORY THREE: mario lopez is satan. need proof? look at him.
THEORY FOUR: cee-lo green has angelic little baby hands. so this may not be completely my theory because apparently there are a lot of websites dedicated to cee lo's tiny hands (like this one). but i'm still taking partial credit for it because i googled cee lo's paws after i noticed their doll-like size. don't believe me? cee lo for yourself
THEORY FIVE: the people who create starburst commericals don't know what a contradiction is. a korean person who is scottish is not a contradiction. a dog who sticks it's tail out the window instead of his face is also not a contradiction. even a candy that is "solid yet juicy" is not a contradiction. a starburst commercial that contains a contradiction is a contradiction if you ask me, and you should, because i know what a contradiction is.
i could go on, but i won't. some of my other theories can get a little racy, and i don't want to offend anyone with this blog. instead, i'd rather you think happy thoughts
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